Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
