fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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