:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
