names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
