There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
