just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
then he tried to convert me to islam
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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