rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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