I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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