When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
