the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
