is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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