Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
