but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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