dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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