Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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