hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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