Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
