You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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