he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
