I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
