she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
