i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
