this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
