I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
