party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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