You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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