It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
