And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
