You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
