So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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