Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
