I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
