I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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