Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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