We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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