i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
