before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
