Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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