I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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