Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
