you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
