I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
