1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
