You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
