Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
