Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
