It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
