I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
