Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
