I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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