I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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