I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
